Ohlala Mag

THE ILLUSIONISTReview by Queer Beacon

Very good movie. In The Illusionist, Edward Norton is a magician who steals the heart of Jessica Biel. She is about to get married to this Crown Prince, it's the early 1900s and Ms. Crown Prince gets all pissed, goes berserk on poor Ed Norton.

Jessica Biel was pretty good (surprise there...). I have never been an Edward Norton groupie, but he was more than okay here. I went to the movie for the subject, magic, and magic it had. Man, it was beautiful. All sepia, all the way. I also went to the movie for Paul Giamatti, who was good, as usual -- he played a police investigator and the Crown Prince's bitch. He is out to bring the Prince's personal vendetta upon Norton.

Rufus Sewell stole the show, though, he played the Crown Prince, and he was excellent. I could see some of Joaquin Phoenix's Commodus in Sewell's Crown Prince. A vicious, childish, truly idiotic narcissistic and selfish bully, a tyrant wannabe. You don't wanna cross this mofo... No gaiety whatsoever, though. Of the three magic themed movies this year, we got no gays in two. Nothing in Scoop, nothing in The Illusionist. Let's see what The Prestige will bring us.

MIAMI VICEReview by Queer Beacon

Miami Vice is mediocre. The movie had quite a few great action scenes but you will not be so interested in actually watching them. Strangely for a gay man, I was especially less interested when Colin Farrell was in the scene. I think he is super hot, and he was hot in Miami Vice, but he was so bad -- he messed up every single line he had in the movie.

In Miami Vice Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx bring back to life the characters once played by Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas in the 80s. Colin and Jamie are out to uncover a big drug operation, but they also take their time with the ladies. They get it on with co-workers and criminals. Gong Li, who played one of the criminals, is the only one doing some acting in Miami Vice; Jamie, who is one of my favorites, does not live up to any expectations, he is dull in Miami Vice.

We had almost no gay content. The one tiny bit of queerness comes from a question Jamie Foxx makes to a drug dealer. Jamie and Colin are undercover, and the drug dealer is evaluating Jamie and Colin for a potential partnership; he says he doesn't like the way Colin looks. Jamie just asks whether he wants to work with Colin or whether he wants to fuck Colin. No bad reactions or anything. So that's good, I guess.

SCOOP by Woody AllenReview by Queer Beacon

Very good movie. In Scoop, Scarlett Johansson is a journalism student vacationing in London. The ghost of a recently deceased journalist gives her the scoop on a huge crime story while she is inside this magician's trick closet. The magician is played by Woody Allen, who helps Scarlett investigate the story. Hugh Jackman is an aristocrat who gets sucked into the plot.

Hugh was perfect for the role, he oozes the old money and charm the role required, but I didn't buy Scarlett in her role -- she was sort of a young female version of Woody Allen in the movie. Being Woody Allen in a movie works well sometimes (recently, think Will Ferrell in Melinda, and Jason Biggs in Anything Else), but not always (think Kenneth Branagh in Celebrity). Unlike Match Point, a true masterpiece -- hard for someone not to like, Scoop is a regular Woody Allen movie, but a very good one, with his usual neurosis, fears, misanthropy -- you are sure to like it if you like his stuff. I do.

No gay content, though...except perhaps for the very brief mention of Hugh Jackman possibly being a closeted cross-dresser. Woody Allen is the one talking about the issue, as something Hugh would hide from Scarlett. It's all part of one of his crazy neurotic outbursts... You can see the trailer on the official site.

C.R.A.Z.Y.Review by Queer Beacon

Excellent movie. You should believe the hype behind C.R.A.Z.Y. Watch the trailer here. I saw this flick at the Seattle International Film Festival and the lines were huge, more so than for other movies in the festival.

In this French-Canadian dramedy, Quebecois Marc-Andre Grondin is a teenager going through self-discovery. That was for me the most important aspect in the movie, but there were quite a few other family issues addressed (father-son relationship, father-wife relationship, growing up in the 60s, etc.). You are guaranteed to laugh out loud, and cry.

I have to admit I had some problem giving C.R.A.Z.Y. the much coveted (as if...) LightShed 10 score, but I think the light was overwhelmingly positive after all. The gay coming of age we see in the movie shows the pain and complexity you would see in real life. I could relate to several parts of the movie and I believe you will too.

Our gay Marc-Andre does not want to be gay. "I'd rather die than be gay." Our main character tells his shrink, in an appointment arranged by his father, who wants his son to be straight. To "cure" him. All very painful to watch.

In Brokeback we are told by Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger's character) that boys learn to hate gays at an early age and that you should hate yourself if you are gay (that is the case 'till this day in many many parts of the world). In C.R.A.Z.Y., we actually see the self-hate process at play. How it all starts. You see the first time a boy is called a faggot, how harsh that is, and what that does to him.

It took director Jean-Marc Valle (pic on the right) 10 years to come up with C.R.A.Z.Y., and I can't wait for his next flicks. Look what he said about the movie: “I wanted to show my sons [Émile and Alex] that everyone has something to offer. I wanted to show them that acceptance of people who are different is the way to go.”

Awesome. We need more straighties like that!

The soundtrack is excellent, great Pink Floyd and David Bowie songs (like Major Tom, etc.). The movie also had lots of Charles Aznavour and Patsy Cline songs -- I don't really like those, but they made lots of sense in the movie. I will discuss one more incident in the movie, but the discussion will reveal a bit too much. Read on or go get this movie as soon as you can. As of now, the movie is not available on Netflix, but you can get it on Amazon.

[SORT OF SPOILER AHEAD]

FAILURE TO LAUNCHReview by Queer Beacon

Bad movie. I almost saw this on the big screen...I'm glad I didn't. In Failure to Launch, Sarah Jessica Parker (the reason why I wanted to see this movie) is a professional who helps parents get rid of their grown sons who still live with them. She pretends to date the sons, giving them self-esteem. With self-esteem they are sure to move out.

SJP is hired to have Matthew McConaughey move out of his parents place. The parents are played by Kathy Bates and Terry Bradshaw (we see quite a lot of his bare butt in the movie -- ew). Bradley Cooper (the real reason why I wanted to see this movie) and Justin Bartha play Matthew's best friends -- they both live with their parents as well. Finally, Zooey Deschanel plays SJP's roommate/friend. She rocked here, as she did in Winter Passing (despite her homophobic line there).

We had two bits of content for our gay movie review. In the first one, a group of parents is having a barbecue and one of them mentions that their son still lives with them but he is rarely home because he is a flight attendant and he has a lot of pilot friends who invite him to spend the night. They seem clueless but the other parents all look at each other as if acknowledging that the parents to the flight attendant are in denial over their son's homosexuality. Granted, the "pilots" could have been all female, but seriously, what do you think...?

The other scene was much better. SJP, Matthew, Bradley and Matthew's nephew, played by Tyrell Jackson Williams (pic on the right), are watching a baseball game and at one point the nephew mentions that he has a lesbian teacher. The kid is cool with it. I love it when a kid is involved with acceptance. Matthew says that the nephew is faking his coolness with the issue because he (the little kid) is actually interested in the lesbian teacher. That wasn't so nice, but I'll take it.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHESTReview by Queer Beacon

If you liked the previous installment from the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise --called The Curse of the Black Pearl - you will probably like this movie. But, if, like me, you thought the first installment was mediocre, don't expect much from Dead Man's Chest.

If anything, go see the movie for Johnny Depp's performance. He is the movie. As Captain Jack Sparrow, Johnny Depp is once again goofy and clueless, and excellent. The movie will make you like his character. Well, you gotta love any character inspired by both Keith Richards and Pepe Le Pew. I think anyone other than Johnny in that role would have just annoyed me.

Remember that in The Curse of the Black Pearl (the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie), Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley were out to rescue Johnny Depp. In Dead Man's Chest, Orlando Bloom and Keira are about to get married and they are arrested. That's how the movie starts.

For the couple to escape the death penalty, which they would get for having helped pirate Johnny Depp, they have to go find Johnny and negotiate a few items with him. Johnny, of course, is in all sorts of troubles and is being chased by all sorts of crazy people, including a bunch of half-aquatic half-ghost creatures, something like the "Night of the Living Bouillabaisse."

We had a tiny tiny bit of content for our gay movie review, delivered to us in two short scenes. Both scenes were just a little offensive, but nothing really major.

In the first gay scene, we see two sailors fighting over a woman's dress. The captain of the ship tells them that if they want the dress they should share it, not fight for it. Even though the tone of the captain was quite neutral and non-judgmental, all the other sailors laughed. Silly sailors.

Then, later, Keira Knightley was pretending to be a male sailor in order to blend in with the crew of this ship. After she got out of the ship, she was still sort of pretending to be a guy, and walking behind Johnny Depp, she asked something like :"I am looking for the man I love." Thinking that Keira was a guy, Johnny does not turn to see who is talking, and he just sort of makes one of his weird, but disapproving, faces. That was not too nice and that is the main reason why this movie is a Shipwreck to me. It's sad, because Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow actually had a major gay vibe in quite a few scenes.

Again, nothing major, but there it was, a tiny bit of bad light for us gays.

Everybody was pretty ugly in the movie, except for Jack Davenport, who played ex-Commodore James Norrington. (always click for bigger pictures)

Anyway, raking $132 million in the box office, Dead Man's Chest set the all-time record for a three-day movie opening. The next Pirates of the Caribbean (which should be the last one) is set to be released on May 28, 2007.

UPDATE: Ronald pointed out in the comments that Captain Jack Sparrow might actually have said something along the lines of "I'm flattered, Sir," in response to Keira's "I'm looking for the man I love." Ronald is not sure, but if he is correct, I will gladly change my rating to LightShed 6. I already placed a question mark on my rating. Johnny Depp mumbles a lot in the movie, but I am pretty sure he did not react verbally to Keira's looking for her man...I'll let you know (I think that might have to wait for the DVD though, I can't watch it again).

THE DEVIL WEARS PRADAReview by Queer Beacon

Very good movie. As you should know by now, this is the film version for the wildly popular novel The Devil Wears Prada. Both the book and the movie are really supposed to be based on the hell it is to work for Anna Wintour (seen in a Peta ad below), editor-in-chief of the U.S. edition of Vogue since 1988. The book and the movie, however, do not use the real Anna. Our devil in the movie is called Miranda Priestley, and the magazine she runs is called Runway.

Miranda's assistant in the movie is played, well, by Anne Hathaway, and the devil is played by Meryl Streep. Meryl was fantastic as usual. She played a deliciously evil bitch who abuses Anne with all sorts of impossible personal and professional tasks.

There was no explicit gay content in the movie, but it was pretty clear to me that Stanley Tucci's character was gay. In the movie, we see him talking about how he used to go to football practice just to try to be one of the guys, but all he really wanted to do was go and read Runway magazine under his bed covers with a flashlight.

Also, in one scene, Stanley sort of makes eye contact with a guy, suggesting he was interested in the guy. But the movie did not give us any hard evidence that he was gay. Stanley Tucci was portrayed in a great light. Down to earth, friendly and a very competent professional. He helped transform Anne into this:

Another bit of possible gay content came to us via Rich Sommer, who is one of Anne Hathaway's friends. He says early in the movie that he knows about fashion and brands etc. because he is really a girl. Although that was a pretty good evidence that he was gay, he could have been joking -- that's what it sounded like anyway. Later, Tracie Thoms, also a friend of Anne Hathaway, says she is going to introduce someone to Rich, someone he would like, but we do not see the actual introduction (it could have been a guy or a girl). So, no hard evidence here either. In any event, Rich's character was portrayed positively -- he was a regular guy, with good taste. I hoped for some real nice gay content in this movie (yes, just because it deals with the fashion world), so I was disappointed that there wasn't much there.

You should definitely see this movie anyway, it is very entertaining... and it gave us Adrian Grenier (pic on the right), who is kind of cute as Anne's boyfriend. We also got a little gratuitous shirtless scene with Simon Baker (I like the caterpillar eyebrows).

UPDATE: Out.com just posted an interview with Stanley Tucci. Tucci discusses the matter of his sexuality in the movie: "Nigel’s demeanor implies he’s gay, but he never really discusses it. He glances at an attractive man in the film, and he discusses how in his youth he would hide under the covers reading the latest issue of Runway instead of going to soccer practice. Was it your choice to not focus on Nigel’s sexuality? [Tucci's answer:] That’s the way it was written. To me there was no other way to play it. He’s gay. No need to spell it out."

A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANIONReview by Queer Beacon

Very good movie. Here, an ensemble cast tells us the story of a radio show called A Prairie Home Companion. The show was aired on Public Radio in the U.S. and apparently was a big hit. Garrison Keillor wrote the screenplay and also played himself, the host of the show. Garrison's story is a fictionalized account of how the show ended. Robert Altman directed.

Our characters included Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin as sisters in a double act.

There was a great chemistry between them -- they could easily get Oscar nominations for their performance. You saw a bit of their act in their presentation of the Oscar to Robert Altman. Just in case you didn't know, Lily Tomlin is an out lesbian. I guess you can sort of think of her as a female Ian McKellen. Both are outstanding out gay actors. We need more of those.

Lindsay Lohan is also in the movie. She plays Meryl's daugther, and I was pretty surprised with her performance. In the movie, her character is obsessed with suicide and death. I think she has a future -- she just needs to stay away from bad movies.

We also had Woody Harrelson and John C. Riley, both very good, as a pair of singing cowboys.

So, the acting was truly superb (particularly Garrison Keillor, Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin -- loved them). Lily definitely needs more screen time and more projects, we rarely get to see her act.

The Family StoneReview by Queer Beacon

Good movie. Here, Sarah Jessica-Parker plays an uptight conservative bitch who spends Christmas with her boyfriend's family (the boyfriend is played by Dermot Mulroney). The family is liberal and nice, and can't get along with Sarah Jessica. They all think she is the wrong one for Dermot.

I always cry in comedies, they always have some short sad part that gets to me, and this is very much the case for The Family Stone.

Our gay content is present throughout the movie and it's outstanding. Our main gay is Dermot Mulroney's brother, played by Tyrone Giordano. Tyrone has a steady relationship with Brian White, and they are trying to adopt a baby.

The Stone family could not be more supportive. Craig T. Nelson, who plays the father, hugs and kisses both Tyrone and Brian, Tyrone seats on brother Luke Wilson's lap and Luke holds him tight. All really heart warming and just super normal.

In one scene, mother Diane Keaton even says, at the dinner table, that she hoped all of her sons were gay. Luke Wilson is asked if he is gay and he just says: "I'm queer, I'm here, Get used to it!" You tell them girl! Luke is not gay in the movie but has no problem playing with it. Awesome.

In that dinner scene though, we have a big discussion, because Sarah Jessica is all like "I can't believe that, what parent would want their kids to be that challenged, every parent should want their kids to be normal and live an easy life." Then Sarah Jessica even tries to get sympathy and support from Brian White - in the logic of Sarah's character Brian should know how difficult it is to grow up black and gay. Shame on Sarah Jessica.

Anyway, the discussion brought up by Sarah was actually very good for us gays. Sarah is all wrong all the time and she is portrayed like a crazy racist bigot Bedford bitch (and she even acknowledges it). Awesome. I love it when they throw in the two traits (racism and homophobia) in one person -- I really believe the two traits belong together. We also saw a racist homophobe in The Break-Up, remember?

Go rent this movie right now!

THE BREAK-UPReview by Queer Beacon

Better than mediocre, but not quite good. Unfortunately, you will have seen most of the good lines in the various trailers that were out for The Break-Up. I hate when they do that.

Here, J.Anis is sick of her macho-clown boyfriend, played by Vince Vaughn. He always gets what he wants, she does everything for him and he doesn't care...you know the type, right? So she breaks up with him. You will actually want them to be apart, they have nothing in common.

We had quite a bit of content for our gay movie review. If it had been all positive the movie would have gotten a high LightShed score, but it wasn't. Read on.

The first scene with gay content happens early in the movie. In that scene, Vince Vaughn's brother, played by Cole Hauser is about to tell a joke about gay Eskimos and a black guy. Vince stops his brother before we can hear the butt of the joke but we are lead to believe the joke would have been both homophobic and racist. We also learn later than Cole is a total idiot. So his being a potential homophobe is not bad for us. It's good that they mingle racism and homophobia in one person because I think the traits belong together.

Later, in a heated argument between Vince and Jennifer Aniston, Vince discusses some of the issues in J.Anis' family, and the issue of her brother's gayness comes up: Vince is nice about it actually, saying that her brother should just be strong and come out, rather than marrying and having his wife find him out in bed with a guy named Julio. I thought that was nice. What I didn't really like was the fact that J.Anis went like: "My brother is not gay!"

You saw it all on the trailer. She doesn't say it so much like it's a bad thing, she might have been just denying her brother's gayness in a matter-of-fact kind of way, but still, J.Anis' character could have had a much better reaction.

Also, in the movie J.Anis works at an art gallery. Her co-worker at the gallery, played by Justin Long, is quite obviously gay. He looked gay (if you tell me there isn't a gay look you better stop reading this blog) and at one point he makes a comment about a rich hot guy (emphasis on the hot part). J.Anis does not treat her co-worker well at first, and this was bad (she scolds him over the way he answers the phone), but she stands up for him in a small incident with the owner of the gallery. So we're even.

Before I forget, am I the only one who thinks Vince Vaughn is hideous? Not ugly, fugly. The worst part is that I was told more than once that I look like him. Well, I was also told before that I look like Ronaldo (the soccer player) and Xuxa (the swimmer). Mostly I don't know if people want to offend (my look-alikes are all fugly) or compliment (they are mostly super talented).